Where am I now?

Where am I now? Is that not an iconic saying? Does it not bring memories flooding back from the past?

Progress, such a simple yet complex word. Below is the dictionary term for progress:
prog·ress
noun
ˈpräɡres/
  1. 1.
    forward or onward movement toward a destination.
    “the darkness did not stop my progress”
    synonyms: forward movement, advance, going, progression, headway, passage

    “boulders made progress difficult
verb
prəˈɡres/
  1. 1.
    move forward or onward in space or time.
    “as the century progressed, the quality of telescopes improved”
    synonyms: go, make one’s way, move, move forward, go forward, proceed,advance, go on, continue, make headway, work one’s way

    “they progressed slowly down the road”

    Progress is both a noun and a verb. During a long term weight-loss journey the same can be said. It’s both a noun and a verb. Progress is telling the BIG voice of doubt in your head to keep quite, that you’re doing this for you. You’re making progress to be a healthier person, you’re setting a short and long term goal. Progress can mean anything during this journey. So you only lost “one” pound, well you at least lost it and as long as you set your mind to it you’ll never get it back again. That voice in your head telling you that you can’t do it along with people in your life telling you that can’t do it shouldn’t be your focus during this journey. So as long as you really are doing this for you. You have to set your own perspectives and not allow outside or internal devices to derail you. I am here to tell you that if you keep taking those little bits and sips then those little things turn into big things and now you’ve gained that “one” pound back and added about 10 more along with it. It’s a slippery slope that wont end until you put your foot down and say NO! I know this because I have lived it, I’ve tried a few different ways to “be healthier” and loose weight. I worked out but still ate the same I changed the way I ate and told myself its ok to have that handful of candy you’l l just work it off later. Well guess what? Later came and I ate more candy and I never worked it off.

    This is not an easy topic to talk about but I think I am finally ready. I hit rock bottom around October of 2015. My best friend Erin had found the love of her life and they decided to have a November wedding and guess what? I was to be in the wedding as a Bridesmaid. That sounds so romantic, you get to experience the whole show from behind stage and on. Well along with that comes a lot of responsibility and pictures….oh the pictures…and parties….and a dress fitting! Lets take a moment to talk about the pictures and the bridal showers. Well since I was in the wedding I was also the center of attention I had to stand along side of the gorgeous bride to be at her showers. So that goes without saying in the day in age of camera phones there were a ton of photos taken of us. There was a lot of attempting to suck my gut in to “look skinny”, well you can’t look skinny when you’ve got a lot of adipose. This one picture in particular made me sad not happy as you’d think I’d be standing next to the Bride to be!

    image

    Well I must confess once I saw this photo I was devastated! Devastated at my size. How did I allow myself to get out of control? Meanwhile I wasn’t thinking that as I got seconds and had desert just prior to taking the picture. It didn’t matter to me, I was spiraling out of control and didn’t even know it. I was squeezing into pants and telling myself that I looked great in them. I didn’t know how I was going to fit comfortably into a bridesmaid dress and look good too! I didn’t realize it but I had hit rock bottom.

    The bride had already had this epiphany months in advance she was on a strict diet to help herself look good and make healthier choices for the long run. She told me about this program she was doing that I have mentioned in my previous post; about how skeptical I was; but before my eyes she was shrinking! I said to her I’d like to try this program. and in October 2015 she took me with her to one of her appointments. During this appointment you’re told to get on the scale to have an idea from where you’re starting. I am ashamed to say this but I weighed the most I have every weighed in my life! I was 259 pounds! I started crying when I saw that number, I couldn’t fathom allowing myself to get that big. I set my goal weight to be around the 170’s that meant I had to loose 89 pounds. From that moment on my life has changed almost dramatically. I had so many obstacles in my way, I had Halloween, Thanksgiving, the wedding, and Christmas! What a time to start the path down weight loss right around the time people tend to gain about 8-10 pounds I lost 8 pounds right before the wedding and that bridesmaid dress fit like a dream! I wasn’t bloated and miserable. I actually felt pretty. I was able to enjoy myself and still loose weight. I made it through the holidays and still managed to loose weight while everyone else gained. I was eating “normal” and “diet” food. It is now April of 2016 and I am down 31 pounds and a total 55 inches. I now weigh 228 pounds, 31 pounds is a big deal to me. I can’t remember the last time I was in my 20’s. This program has changed my life for the better. The plus side is there is not set time to loose the weight I can loose it on my own schedule. It’s very difficult when you have people around you who are not on the same page. People who say “it’s just one bite of this or one drink of this or that”. Just because people aren’t on the same page as you doesn’t mean that you have to bow to them and have those bites and sips. Do this for you!

    So as this article says “Where am I now?” Well here are a few progress photos my best friend kindly made for me. 

    The latter photo is from March 2016. It was taken as a joke and when I saw it I started to cry. I didn’t realize what progress I was actually making, don’t get me wrong I knew the scale was going down and my clothes fit better, I was even able to go a size down in pants. BUT to SEE the progress that everyone around me had already started to notice was a big deal. I was sad and happy again, sad I had allowed myself to get so big and happy that I finally made a choice to live for myself. Happy that I look darn good and feel darn good too. It’s easy to say “I’ll start my diet tomorrow or I’ll start eating better Monday” you can keep living in denial. I’m here to tell you that the grass was greener on the other side. I am doing this for me. I am 31 years old and by the time I’m 32 I won’t even be able to recognize myself in the mirror and I can’t wait to meet her.

    I will kindly step off my soap box now. I just hope that this can reach the right person and encourage you to make a change in yourself.

     

     

     

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3 thoughts on “Where am I now?

  1. Reading this made me cry! I am so proud of you and how far you’ve come!!! And I can’t wait to see where you will go from here. You’re my hero!! 😘

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